Dumpster Fire Not-chilada Slop

*tap* *tap* *tap*

Is this thing on?

Soooo…. long time no type! Remember me? Or maybe not? It’s been awhile. Yeah, definitely awhile. Anyhoo, hey — hi there! I’m back. Maybe. Maybe not. I dunno. We’ll see. This blogging thing is a lot of work. No promises.

In the meantime:

This week I was all set to declare that over the course of 2017 it would seem that I might have accidentally learned how to cook, and that I should probably just shut down this blog so I can stop being constantly nagged by the hosting company about needing to run software updates. (But I’ma keepin’ the domain name. Because it’s a damn awesome domain name. Not sharing. Nope. Mine!)

Well — not so fast. The Universe apparently had other plans.

It would seem that I’ve merely finally got proficient at following a recipe. As long as (a) it was written intentionally to be essentially no-fail, or (b) I was being walked through the recipe in person step-by-step by a professional chef-instructor.

Yup. I took a crap-ton of cooking classes at Sur La Table last year. Knife Skills, Thai, Italian, Mexican, Cast Iron, Pizza, Pasta and oodles and oodles more. (And so far the only thing from any of the classes that I can remember that I’ve actually made at home myself was Coconut Lime Sorbet. Haha. Shame on me. But the chances of actually murdering myself by bad kitchen skills was pretty low with that one — so I risked it!)

Anyway, I now realize that maybe I shouldn’t go around jinxing things by being so bold as to presume that maybe I’ve finally learned how to cook, now that my life is numerically more than half over.

Especially after tonight’s dinner. Oopsie.

Back Story:

Earlier this week I ran across a recipe for some kind of enchilada casserole. And I remembered that it had enchilada sauce, chicken, diced green chiles, and…. onions…? and….cheese? …and? I dunno what else. And I do remember it had a side-note that it could be made with ground beef. 

Well last year I successfully made IP Chicken Tortilla Soup, IP Taco Dip, and an IP Hamburger Stoup thingie. So, silly me decided tonight “What the hell? How hard would it be to just WING IT!”

Newsflash:

It wasn’t a good idea before.

It’s still not a good idea now.

Front Story:

I’d already bought the enchilada sauce and had thawed some ground beef, all in anticipation of this recipe, that…. I’ve safely stashed… who knows where.

But wherever it is, it’s SUPER safe!

So I was off to the races anyway — unleashed, and oh-so-very unsupervised. 

First things first, ground beef into the IP on saute mode. So far so good. A little browning just to break it up, and then ready for my enchilada sauce. And… the can was 24oz and not 12oz. And…. I just blindly dumped the whole thing in. (WhooHoo! Enchilada Polka Dots!) And then I dumped in a can of green chilies, plus a chopped up onion.

And… well… that was a whole lotta damn enchilada sauce for only 1 pound of ground beef.

And I only had that 1 pound thawed.

Buuuutttt… we know we can cook from frozen in the IP… and… I had another thing of ground beef in the freezer. Which I actually managed to somehow get unwrapped from it’s unholy shrink-wrapped frozen cube — only cutting myself once — and *plonked* that frozen meat puck into the IP.

*sploosh* Even MORE enchilada polka dots.

#WhatAShocker #ShouldaSeenThatComing #ApparentlyINeverLearn

So at this point I have 1-pound of raw kinda broken up beef, and 1-pound of frozen-solid meat-ice. And I figured since I’ve doubled the meat I probably need to double the chiles — and since I had another can, plonk that went too. (Of course, it’s not until right this very second that I realize maybe doubling the onions would have been an ideal move.)

IP set for 5 mins on high pressure, and I called it good. Occasionally I checked on it while it was working towards thawing the meat puck, so I could scrape off meat guts and reduce the puck size. Eventually decided it was small enough to let it finish up on it’s own. So off I toddled to let it do its thing.

At some point later *wavy lines* I remembered there was something happening in the kitchen, and toddled back to inspect whatever nightmare might be awaiting me.

Wellllllll, it pretty much looked like cat barf.

But it’s not actually the first thing I’ve made that DOES (I make a delightfully “realistic” buffalo chicken / cat-barf salad spread!) — so I wasn’t actually all that traumatized by what revealed itself from under the IP lid.

And it tasted like… canned enchilada sauce.

But since I was sure there were supposed to be other ingredients — though who knows what they actually were — first I found a can of black olives, thoughtfully drained them first, and plonked them in. *ploopy ploopy plop plop*

Next I remembered the chicken tortilla soup I’d made last year, and grabbed for some corn tortillas, sliced ‘n diced and tossed them in the pot. Taste test, and decided that wasn’t enough, so repeated the process.  *splittler splitter splat splosh*

That helped actually quite a bit with the flavor, but it was still missing something…. 

Duh. CHEESE!

And fortunately I had a brand new bag of shredded 4-cheese Mexican blend in the fridge! So I opened it up, shook half of it into the IP, taste tested and decided to just plop the other half in. *splork*

Lots of stirring later, and it was acceptable. Garnish with chopped fresh cilantro and sliced avocado, and call it dinner.

Was it a soup? Was it a stew? Was it a dip? Was it a spread? Who the hell knows.

A cheesy soupy dip? A cheesy dippy soup? Not a clue.

Whatever it was — it was edible. And that’s pretty much the only bar that has to be crossed in my house! 

DUMPSTER FIRE NOT-CHILADA SLOP

• 2 pounds ground beef, preferably both thawed (or, hey, both raw, who knows)
• 28 oz can of enchilada sauce
• 1 white onion, diced (though 2 is probably better)
• 2 small cans diced green chiles
• 1 small can of black olives, drained
• 4 cups shredded cheese (your choice; cheddar & stuff)
• 1″ tall stack of 6-inch corn tortillas, diced
• Cilantro leaves, for garnish
• Avocado, for garnish

Dump the enchilada sauce, ground beef, and green chiles into the IP. Probably consider smashing up the beef slab a little, assuming you are using thawed beef.

Seal the lid (and the vent, too!), and set the IP for 5 minutes high pressure. When cooking has finished natural release for 10 to 20 minutes depending on what was on TV to distract you. Quick release any remaining pressure and inspect the outcome.

Add the olives, diced tortillas, and as much cheese as needed to make it palatable (visually and mouth-ally).

Serve in a bowl with a spoon.

Garnish with as much avocado and cilantro as is needed to disguise the cat-barf color scheme. (Or, hell, turn it into a burrito. That way you won’t have to look at it.)

Whatever you do, #StandardDumpstireFireRulesApply — just don’t blame ME if you poison yourself!

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In other news, here’s some pix of what I made in 2017. Everything is other people’s recipes, all pre-vetted and designated by the creators as difficult to mess up.

It was all yummy. So I didn’t starve last year.

After tonight I plan to continue following (other people’s!) recipes — so that I don’t starve this year either! Lesson learned. 🙂

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