Dumpster Fire Pork Ribs

This past weekend I went on a grand Amy & Jacky adventure using 3 instant pots, to prepare a total of 6 dishes, starting late Friday evening, and finishing early Monday morning just before heading off to work.

Some of them were more successful than others, so the telling is going to happen out of order.

1. Honey Soy Chicken Wings
2. Pressure Cooker Pulled Pork
3. Pressure Cooker Pork Loin Chops in HK Onion Sauce
4. Pressure Cooker Korean Ribs ←←←← We are here
5. Yogurt #12 with Fairlife Whole Milk
6. Yogurt #12 with Fairlife 2% Milk

Alas, no along-the-way pictures for this recipe, as I’d exhausted myself making the previous recipes. So you’ll have to use your imaginations for this adventure.

But I did get this side by side one photo that I posted to FB once the pots were closed and started.

So here ya go, proof that I really did use two pots at the same time. And it was awesome. There’s no way I could have gotten 6 things done over a single weekend — let alone 2 of those 6 things being a double batch of yogurt! — with just a single pot.  So yay me! 😀

Pork Chops on the left, Ribs on the right!

This attempt at “Pressure Cooker Korean Ribs” is being classified as “Dumpster Fire Level 2: Surprising Success“, which basically means that it turned out anyway, even though I didn’t totally stick to the recipe.

And just like the Dumpster Fire Tomato Chicken Stoup, this is yet another testament to the strength of Amy & Jacky’s recipes. They seriously know how to put flavors together!

So buckle-up — here we go!

Ingredients Assembly

As you already know (via my Got a 3rd Pot report), I went ADHD grocery shopping and got a bunch of random stuff, and then had to find recipes to fit with the ingredients.

One of those ingredients was 2 pounds of pork loin back ribs. So off I went into my favorite recipe manager (*cough*PlanToEat*cough*) to run a search on pork loin back ribs.  Of course, no luck.

So then I expanded the search to just back ribs, and found a few matches. One was an Amy & Jacky recipe. Score! (In case you’ve not figured it out yet, I’m a total Amy & Jacky fangirl. 😀 )

Amazingly, I had all the ingredients except for one! Double Score!

Try as I might, I still know barely a damn thing about all the different cuts of meat. (That’s a total lie. I’m not even trying. That takes effort ‘n shit. 😉 )

The recipe calls for “baby back ribs” and I have “pork loin back ribs”. A quick Google tells me that:

Baby back ribs (also back ribs or loin ribs) are taken from the top of the rib cage between the spine and the spare ribs, below the loin muscle. They have meat between the bones and on top of the bones, and are shorter, curved, and sometimes meatier than spare ribs.

Sooooo…. that’s the same thing, right?

We’re going to assume it’s the same thing.

Next up, an Asian pear, which I totally don’t have. So I decide that I’ll just omit it. Except that the recipe tips say that “The marinade’s overall flavor varies depending on the sweetness of your Asian pear”.

Well if I need sweetness, then I can just add sugar, right?  Right? 😀

Next up garlic, onion, ginger, pepper, soy sauce, brown sugar, honey, rice vinegar, sesame oil.

OMG! I totally got this!

Make the Marinade

One of the things I love about Amy & Jacky recipes is that they frequently include weight measurements for dry ingredients. This means I don’t have to dirty up a ton of measuring spoons and cups, and instead can simply just keep tare’ing out my scale and continue adding ingredients.

Dry Ingredients

Garlic

So I grab some garlic. *gasp* Yes I used real garlic this time, and not garlic from the jar. I had some on hand, and it was going into a food processor, so I didn’t have to do anything except peel it — and to try and figure out how much I needed to use.  So I put the unpeeled garlic on the scale. Recipe says I need 37g. The peels and the root stem are going to have some weight to them, so I pile up garlic parts until I get about 50g. Then I separate it out, smash it up, peel it, and weigh it again. 43g. What’s a mere 6g of garlic between friends? Spoiler Alert: apparently more than I’d planned for.

Ginger

I also had fresh ginger *gasp* and, again, since it’s going into the food processor, I could use the real stuff instead of my in-a-jar stand-in. Except that I only needed 1g! After breaking off a piece, weighing it, realizing I only needed a tiny sliver, trying to extract said tiny sliver and totally making a mess trying to then peel that tiny sliver — I chuck it to the side, grab for The Jar, and fling in 1g. Boom. Done.

Onion

Onion — totally easy peasy by weight. Recipe said 1 small onion, but by weight it ended up being 1.5 small onions. I love by-weight measurements!

And the rest…

In lieu of the Asian pear, I randomly throw in some white granulated sugar, starting with about 1/2 tsp maybe.

Lastly, freshly ground black pepper.  Specifically 1 tsp (2.3 g). So out comes the pepper grinder.

*grind* *grind* *grind* *grind*

Scale still shows zero.

*grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind*

*grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind*

*grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind*

Scale finally shows 1g.

I need 2.3g.

Seriously people, 2.3g of freshly ground pepper is a hell of a lot of freshly ground pepper by weight!

*griiiiiiiiiind* *griiiiiiiiiind* *griiiiiiiiiind* *griiiiiiiiiind* 

*grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* 

*grumble* *swear* *grumble*

*grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind*

*grumble* *swear* *grumble*

*grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind*

*grumble* *swear* *grumble*

*grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind* *grind*

Memo to self: Next time, just use the powdered shit out of the tin — or find a teenage boy with better arm stamina.

OK, finally! Time to mix this into a paste! *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* DaFuq?

Well folks, all I’ve really got in the food processor at this point is onion, garlic, essence of ginger, and some ground pepper. That ain’t shit in the world of food processors, so it all just kinda gets flung to the side, with not much being done to it.

Sure there was some initial pulverization, but really not much.

Maybe adding the remaining ingredients will help?

Wet Ingredients

Recipe says to mix the soy sauce, honey, brown sugar, rice vinegar, and sesame oil in a bowl — then add the onion paste to it. I sure as shit ain’t gonna dirty up a bowl if I don’t have to — so into the pool with everything else!

They were all liquid measure, but I only needed to dirty up a 1/2 cup and a 1 Tbsp, to get the remaining marinade ingredients into the food processor. #Winning

*bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt*

Taste test!

Holy.Mother.Of.Garlic! DaFuq have I just done?

You know the saying “there’s no such thing as too much garlic“?

Holy shit folks — there is TOTALLY such a thing as “too much garlic”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I shit you not. I had garlic flames coming out my nose.

Seriously. The membranes of my nose were on fucking fire.

And this wasn’t no wimpy-ass Chinese Mustard kind of nose fire.

This was a full-on Nose Fire of DEATH.

DEATH, people!

Nose. Fire. Of. DEATH!

You’re lucky I lived long enough to tell the tale!

Holy. Shit.

#GarlicNoseFireOfDeathPTSD

Seriously. I’m shuddering here from the memory as I type this.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuqqqqqqqqqqq.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah. Almost murdered by an extra 6g of garlic.

So, after picking myself up off the floor, I’ve got to figure out WTF to do to fix this hellfiredamnation nosefirepasteofdeath that I’ve created.

Remember, I’ve omitted the Asian pear, since I didn’t have any. Maybe that sweetness is supposed to tame the garlic? So… more sugar….?

Another 1 tsp into the pool, buzz that shit up and brace myself to try again.

Fortunately, I managed to grab onto the edge of the kitchen sink before nearly losing consciousness.

#NoseFireOfDeathRedux

At this point I seriously thought I was doomed. I have no Asian pear. I have death paste staring back at me from the food processor, laughing its ass off at me, and I’m about to incur massive therapy bills from the trauma, since I live in a 3rd world country run by capitalist warlords who think “socialized medicine” is a tool of the antichrist. But I digress.

Dramatic re-enactment

No Asian pear. That’s where we’re currently at.

How do I get myself out of this dumpster fire???

Well, I do have some geriatric apples that should probably be put out of their misery. So I quarter and core one of them old men, then throw it into the food processor, peel and all. (It’s only now that I realize the recipe wanted the Asian pear peeled first. Oh well.)

*bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt* *bzzt*

Then I stare at it awhile. Because seriously. I’ve already had two nosefire of death incidents. Who wants a third?

I press on, and dip a teeny tiny edge of a spoon into the fiery pits of hell food processor bowl, and hope I don’t die.

Holy shit that fixed it! *faint*

Another full blown taste test, and by some miracle we’re back in business.

I finally have a marinade!

Remove the Membrane

Next up in the recipe instructions are that I need to remove the membrane from the ribs. I’ve done ribs twice before. The first time I didn’t know about removing the membrane. The second time, I tried and was partially successful. Third time’s the charm?

Except…. no membrane. I scraped and I poked and I prodded, and all I accomplished was shaving off some pieces of fat.

OK, so maybe “pork loin back ribs” aren’t actually the same thing as “baby back ribs”? Either that, or they were already removed prior to packaging?  No clue.

Marinate & Cook!

I grab a gallon size zipper baggie that is the perfect width for the half-rack of ribs that I have, toss in the rack, pour in the marinade, squish it around to coat all sides, zip it up, and put it in the fridge and forget about it for awhile.

It probably marinated for at least an hour, maybe two. I don’t know. It was Sunday. And Sunday is when one of the cable channels plays NCIS episodes all day. So it could have been marinating for hours, because: NCIS. 😀

Then I dumped everything into my Ultra, and smeared the marinade around to make sure the bottom was coated. The rack of ribs landed in the concave position, so there was a big pool of marinade caught in the “cave” part. And since the recipe didn’t specify either way, I decided to leave it. If nothing else, that would help keep that side moist, right?

The recipe also included the following super-helpful info:

16 minutes (Tender with a bit of chew)
25 minutes (Fall off the bone)

Since this was my third attempt at making ribs, and the previous two times I’d gone with the fall-off-the-bone method, I opted to split it down the middle, and go for 20 minutes, High pressure, full NPR.

When I opened the lid, I’m not entirely sure what I’d expected. But what happened was that the marinade actually seemed to plump up and double in volume.

Additionally, the top part of “the pool”, where it was touching the bone edge of the rack, seemed to have somehow adhered to the rack.

Anyhoo, per recipe instructions, I removed the rack and set it aside on a plate so I could work on reducing the sauce.

Finishing & Nom’ing

Nothing special or exciting happened with the sauce reduction. I even managed not to slosh it out of the pot! It actually reduced pretty quickly.

While the sauce was doing it’s thing, I used some paper towels to help protect my fingers while I stripped the meat off the hot bones. Yes, I know I’d opted for NOT using the fall-off-the-bone cooking time, but that was for meat-texture, and not for easy bone removal.

Here’s the thing: I’m cooking for myself, and I could care shit all for “presentation”. I don’t want it to look good, I want it to eat good. And seriously. Effort to eat? No. Just no. Typically, three out of three meals a day are eaten in front of the computer. So there’s no damn way I’m going to be chowing down, by hand, on slices of ribs.

General rule of thumb: “In a bowl, or no.” 😀

So off with their heads! And into the pool they go!

I don’t worry much about the size of the hunks of meat that I’m prying off the bone, since I can totally stab then with a fork and gnaw on them like a caveman.

And I don’t worry about anything sticking to the bone, because that’s just my reward snack for suffering through this whole ordeal called “cooking”.

*pry* *pry* *pry*

*gnaw* *gnaw* *gnaw*

*splash* *splash* *splash*

*stir* *stir* *stir*

And! It was all totally edible! Since it was just a half-rack, it only lasted two meals: dinner Sunday night, and dinner Monday night. But I ate every damn drop, and licked the bowl clean both times. #KitchenWinning

Alas, as I review the recipe now for typing this up, I realize I forgot to garnish with sesame seeds and sliced green onions. *cry* That would have made it totally awesome.

Seriously folks, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: if it’s an Amy & Jacky recipe, go for it.

Because if even I can’t Eff it up, chances are you can’t either (unless you’re trying to do so on purpose)! 😀

Inspiration Credit

Remember that the above adventure was inspired by Amy & Jacky’s Pressure Cooker Korean Ribs recipe. So please pop on over to their site to give them some love, and try their real recipe!

Dumpster Fire Pork Ribs

For entertainment purposes only

1. Follow Amy & Jacky’s original Pressure Cooker Korean Ribs recipe.
2. Substitute a regular yellow apple if you can’t find an Asian pear. (Pro Tip: Use a fresh one, not an old-man apple.) (Edited to add: Jacky says “Asian Pear can be substituted with regular pear / apples / kiwi.“)
3. Only use the exact amount of garlic called for.
4. Cook on High pressure for 20 minutes, then full NPR.
5. Remove ribs from pot and set aside.
6. Reduce sauce and season to taste.
7. Don’t bother finishing ribs in the oven.
8. When ribs are cool enough to handle, slice into individual parts, and then peel the meat off each bone. Don’t worry about the size of the chunks. (Note: Some meat will still stick to the bone. That’s your reward for the effort. #NomNomNom)
9. Return the removed meat to the pot, stir to coat, and serve in a bowl with a fork.
10. Try to remember to garnish with sesame seeds and thinly sliced green onions.

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